I had chatted on and off with Mickey (not his real name) for a few years on a gay dating site. He told me he was a total bottom, a widower of a 15 year relationship (partner died of cancer), and in retrospect, something of a shut-in. He relocated from Pennsylvania to central Massachusetts for reasons I never did learn, though I know it wasn't to be closer to family.

He asked me repeatedly to visit him. And fuck him. In my usual "Ethical Slut" style, I told him again and again that I was not available to be in a relationship, I am already in (an open) one. He told me several times that he understood that, still wanted to get together...

So a good two years into this conversation, back and forth like that ancient video game "Pong," I drove out to meet him. It was a good two hour drive, too.

You know that "chemistry" thing that happens when you meet someone new? Well, it was pretty neutral on my end. It was obvious that he hadn't updated his photos in a few years either. He wasn't bad looking now, just older than how he'd led me to believe... but at that point, I was wondering, is there anything else you're not being honest about?

And his conversation was mostly of a "poor me, poor me" kind. He saw lots of doctors. Lots. Getting to all his appointments was his main occupation, and the main reason he ever ventured out of his apartment.

I should have left. I should have found some face saving way to just head back out. But instead I let him put the moves on me, and I fucked him.

Bareback. It's the only way I can fuck. I am one of those guys who can't stay hard with a condom on.

My "STD screening" of him? I am afraid two years plus on Truvada might have made me kind of cavalier. I just asked him if he was STD free. He said yes he was, and it'd been more than 8 months since the last time he'd had sex. I took him at his word.

Over the next week, we exchanged a few pleasant text messages, then that went quiet, as happens with these kinds of contacts sometimes. I remember thinking, I can't make that drive too often, and I know he'll want me to, so... helped me go quiet.

And then I get a voice call from him. He said he'd tested positive for syphilis.

So I went to my provider and told them I had apparently been exposed to syphilis. They treated me "empirically," meaning, they had blood drawn to see if I did actually catch his STD, but meantime, they treated for it as if I definitely have it. The treatment was the biggest volume shot I have ever taken, 4 cc's. (Most shots are 1 cc, a few are 2 cc's.) I made them divide it into 2 shots, one for each butt cheek, and felt those babies for 5 days afterward even in that volume-reduced quantity.

And then the blood test comes back: negative. I couldn't help framing the situation as "I just took two painful shots for a problem I don't have." I could feel resentment building in me. I knew he didn't do this on purpose - right? - but the best thing I could do was just stay quiet.

And then Thanksgiving comes, and I get a text from him, saying, and I quote verbatim, lack of punctuation and all, "Happy Thanksgiving I can honestly say I want to remain friends with you and I think having sex with you was oh my God so good and if I do see you again which is totally up to you I just want to say I want you to be my one and only"

WTF? After the short and bumpy ride you have already taken me on? No, your text smacks of crazy talk, and it's all right if I want to just go away quietly, and that is what I am going to do. This is just not feeling right, in any way. I maintain my silence.

And then a week after the Thanksgiving text, I get this one:

"Hey what's up I noticed you never text me back you are after all just another adulterer asshole you took what you wanted and you left just a typical Massachusetts Catholic asshole hypocrite... who in the hell do you think you are?"

He also threatened to turn me in. I had told him I grow weed as a hobby. (Perhaps he has realized since then that that's now legal in Massachusetts?)

Sigh. There are worse things to be exposed to than syphilis. Certain personalities, for example.

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